Time.

It takes alot for me to trust people, due to things that have happened in the past and when i do start to trust someone, i find it hard to keep hold of them, no matter how close a friend they are.

People sometimes find it difficult to understand me, generally because i'm rather...'out of the box'...i always have this obsession to help people out of their life problems because i've been there, and i've been at the lowest of lows and i don't want anyone else going through that because it's really upsetting, and i just can't seem to stop wanting to help them and hurting for them.

All that has passed in time, it's all in my memory and i can't bring any of my past back, in a way i'm glad, and i'm looking forwards to the forseeable future of mine.

When people give me things, items and cards and then just walk away...i become very depressed...i've never really wanted items off of people, nor cards, because all these things fade away and will soon be forgotten...i adore people that give me time, just time...it's simple, even 5 minutes, because i can remember that forever no matter what; because time flies by, and soon we all won't be here anymore.

In time we recieve the love that comes with it, which evidently we carry with us even after we die, that's the only thing we can keep, is love...and i think it's important that everyone gets love. i love love, lol! i think it's amazing!

As a person, i prefer giving than taking, just because it makes others happy, and making them happy, makes me happy. :)

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover.

Heya! In the picture above as you can see I'm slightly getting in the christmas spirit for once :D

Anywaaaay, moving straight on! I met Amanda again, 2-ish months ago, sad I know that it was so long ago, it feels like ages, and I do miss her, alot!!! She was absolutely amazing, once again, she always seizes to suprise me, do you know that? All the time, I thought it wasn't going to go well because basically i think of myself as a pain in the arse - which shows the faith I have in people and myself; which evidently is why my header is "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover"

I was in the auditorium, next to a load of peeps from America...actually quite hilarious that 99% of the audience were either elderly people or Americans, haha!
Ah and me of course ;)
I watched the first half of the play, I was kind of scared because I thought I was going to be sick, as I nearly did whilst watching Parlour Song, although thinking back I think it was the meal I ate an hour before....lets just say the restaurant wasn't brilliant, lol.

During the first half, we as an audience encountered with quite alot of Amanda, I was really happy to see her, desperately happy, and I just couldn't wait until afterwards.
Sitting in the auditorium on my own was harsh on me, because I had no-one's hand to hold while my nerves increased the later it got, but I was alright, I suppose. :o
My friend had informed me that in the second half there was less of Amanda, and she wasn't wrong there!!! I think there were 3 scenes of her in total in the second half of Enron, which really annoyed me (lol), I missed her a bit :'(
Anyway, it came to the end of a very excellent and memorable performance, and I was shaking like anything!!! I got out of the stalls I was sitting in and I nearly fell back down I was so nervous lmao! I was shaking as I was walking and I think the American girl behind me knew I was nervous...how embarrassing.
I went to the cloakroom thingy, gave them my ticket, and got my bag back, and then I rushed up the stairs and outside to get some fresh air, I was seriously nervous at this point, having to do all this on my own was perpetually overwhelming!
Anyway, yes! Teehee, after about 10 minutes she appeared out of the stage door with either an Iphone in her hand, which had earphones dangling from it. I thought...I'd better shout her name before she puts music on and can't hear me lmao. I was standing next to two OAPs whom wanted signatures off of all the cast, which strikes me because poor Eleanor walked right past them with a bottle of champagne and they didn't want her autograph, or maybe they just didn't realise it was her lol.
I raised my voice and said "Amanda!"
Which therefore inclined her to look up at me...I was actually quite scared because for a second she looked a bit angry loool!!! Anyway, that second had come and gone and then she beamed, I was so suprised!
"Apriiiiiil!" she replied.
I was like haha, awesome, now we got past the first bit April.
Anyway, she was really chatty with me and then we hugged, a nice hug, I like her hugs lol and then we talked there for like a minute, in which she explained about some presents she had to quickly purchase for the crew of Enron, like a thank you to them or something...but she invited me downstairs to the bar, whilst walking down she told me that the lovely Samuel West passed on my message "THANK YOU SAMUEL!!!!!!" and when we got downstairs she was like "My friends said they'd wait for me here, where are they?" spinning like 360 degrees to try and find them, I found that so adorable, and then she was like "Oh!! There they are!!" they waved, and I was like omg...I'll just stand here, I don't wanna be rude and look as if I'm listening into their conversation, this is what I'm like, when I'm on my own, I never know where to put myself, and I really don't want to interfere, unless I'm guided then I'm stuck.
Anyway, she sortof did that pull-pointing gesture to me which obviously meant, "Come here" (in a nice way) So I walked over to her, and stood next to her and metaphorically zipped my mouth.
She introduced me to them, and I was like ".......H....h.....h...hi...." I shook the guys hand and then the womans hand, think his name was Duncan, forgot her name :(
I had the Enron playwrite in my hand ready for her to sign it and Amanda was like "Do you want me to sign your book" I was like, she read my mind :P
Before I said anything the woman friend of hers was like "Ohh yes please" and moved the playwrite she had bought towards Amanda - for a joke, and Amanda burst out laughing, and I love her laugh, so I giggled lol, then I was like "Yes, please" with a big grin on my face.
She signed it, and gave it back to me, didn't have a chance to see what she had written to me until later!
I took my parcel for Amanda out of my rather large handbag, which consisted of two cards, one letter and a small gift. (Picture of it below).



...whilst she was talking to her friends about the plays of hers I'd seen, I swear the entire conversation between them was all about me...!
And I gave it to her, and she smiled and took it, and then opened it, it was like watching a 1 year old girl receiving her first Christmas present, it was seriously cute.
She was like "3 cards?!" with a smile, sadly I had to correct her with "Naww, just 2 cards sorry, but there's a letter there so, yay" and she didn't notice there was a gift so I was like..."There's a pressie too" lmao, yes I actually said 'pressie', how embarrassing.

She delved spontaneously again into the parcel and found the present, and was like "Aww that's so cute, and really sweet" and then she said to her friends "April's too kind to me!!" I kindof blushed, but I wanted to make her feel special, because she is, you know.
She gave me a massive hug and said thank you, and then she was like "Okay I've gotta shoot, but I wish I could buy you a drink or something" and kept repeating that she wished she could spend alot more time with me throughout the whole time I spent with her. She said goodbye to her friends and invited me upstairs again with her, to say goodbye and all that jazz, I was walking up the stairs beside her, and I felt her arm go through the arch in my left arm, I was like, wow she's actually linking arms with me right now, wow, wow, wow. Lol at that point I just thought, this is amazing.
She was talking to me whilst I was walking up the stairs, so I told her about the place I auditioned for in a theatre company, she seemed pleased that I went through with it, just gotta tell her I GOT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay, 1 of 15 out of about 100, HAPPY! (Performances start late February, lol)
Anyway she said something to this guy who passed...of which I forgot, as it wasn't important to me.
I also managed to fit in the fact that I booked tickets to see her again on my birthday, she looked really delighted to hear that, and said she hopes she'd have more time to spend with me on my birthday, HAPPY!!!
We got outside and she immediately and randomly asked me for my address...I was worried, I was like, oh no, she's not thinking of turning up at my door for christmas is she...a little message for Amanda "NEVER TURN UP AT MY DOOR WITHOUT ME KNOWING, thankies!!" Not that she's gunna want to come to Bristol to pop in lmao *silly April*, if she did I'd have to change my current desktop background:


lmao, it's huge in full, and I love it I do! :)

Anyway so then she said she wanted to drop me a line when she was free, so I was less worried at that point. I asked if I should write it on the back of the parcel and so she handed me it, and I leaned on a wall, LOL, she was behind me talking, and then she walked RIGHT beside me, I was like, okay, she's really close to me right now, and I'm distracted lmao! If she is an invigulator in my GCSE exams, I think I'd die and get an ungraded in every subject.

I think we hugged again, yay for me and then my dad turned up...ohh god, I was so shy...he was like "You must be Amanda" She didn't say anything until he then said "I'm April's dad" and they shook hands, and Amanda was like "So I've met the whole family now?" I was like "naww, still my other brother to go". My dad was like...attempting badly to flirt with her, and kept saying nice things about me, but didn't mean it at all, he seriously hates me in real life - what a vindictive man =.=

Amanda said she had to go, and so we hugged again, it was hard for me to accept that was the end for like 6 more months :( But....that wasn't the end, quite yet, some kind of emotional magnetic field (yes, sounds stupid) stopped me from walking anywhere, I was reading what she wrote in my playwrite:



saying at the same time to my dad "Awww, bless her, I love her to bits I do" and then I looked up and saw her come towards me, it felt really weird, :o

She was like "Can I take a picture with you?" or something along those lines...I was astonished, I couldn't even reply straight away, but I said yes after like 30 seconds and then we stood somewhere dark and I was like...the picture might be dark. She said as she walked over to a light hanging from the Court "We'll take it here" with a smile, and I walked and stood next to her, she was like "You don't have to if you don't want to" I was like "Of course I do!!!" she put her arm on my shoulder and rested her head against mine, I was so happy that she came back just for me, and because I've become so attached to her over the past year that I find it hard to emotionally leave her. I've never said goodbye to her, since I've known her, I find it far too hard, if I did I would probably cry, lol. So I usually just say a simple - 'Take Care'.
And that's what I said, she walked off, and I watched her go, because that's how sad I am...I wasn't listening to what my dad was saying at all, lmao! But he admitted that the most thing he was proud of to do with me is that I found someone who inspires me of whom is a really really nice person ~ those are his words.

It takes alot to write a synopsis about my Amanda days, it takes alot of time that's for sure, as you will guess by reading the massive paragraphs, it also takes alot of thinking, and remembering how wonderful it is and will remain to be for the rest of my life, of which I'll never ever forget til the day I die ~ means alot!


Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did ~ Love April.




x

Hello!

It's April again...who else.

One thing I have to say before I carry on with a completely boring blog is that...before I said 2 months until Amanda Day No.3...well I was wrong, I miscalculated it to a month less than it actually was so my apologies :P

It's actually 64 days until I see her again, wahoo.

Okay. Back to school, well I atleast I thought...I went to school and yes I was embarrassed to find out that it was only the introduction day for the new year sevens...bless them! There were no other year groups there so I was the only year 11 there. I got up at 5AM this morning, just to get to school on time, so bloody inconvenient.

I haven't been on the computer in ages and I certainly haven't blogged for ages, so i'm really sorry about that, but atleast I'm back.

*tired* lol, i'm watching an episode of EastEnders at the moment, as always, and it obviously has Amanda in because i'm secretly a big fan of her...:o who would've guessed.

Just spoke to a fake Kara Tointon on twitter, ohh it's so fun playing along with fakes, especially Amanda fakes, I don't think they realise they fall into the trap, I don't make it all too obvious, but atleast then I can laugh at the lies, ya know.
I asked her if she was going to Amanda's next play 'Enron', and she replied to me with "I might be, when is it?"
Lol, I thought that was a bit strange seeing as they're quite close and all that. I think Kara usually knows before me...and that's saying something, lol!
I have little voice inside me telling me..."but what if she is real", I'm buggered if that 0.99999% chance is true, i wasn't nasty to this supposed faker but...I wasn't nice lmao, I was very....sarcastic with her.

Well I might be going to see the panto 'Snow White' in the Bristol Hippodrome, so if I have a chance to speak to her I might ask *scared face*. That's a thing, I should ask Amanda if she's going to 'Snow White'...hoping me and her could meet up. Lol.

I will finish this some other time, as I'm...stuck on what to say, teehee ^.^

XxXxX

Hello :)

Hiya peeps,
it's a been boring Wednesday for me, I had the day off, I was feeling sick this morning and no, before you say...
"Oh my goodness, it's swine flu!"
No it's not, lol!

I just was feeling weak in my bones today, because, I haden't eaten alot the day before.

I had drama yesterday (Tuesday) and it was absolutely amazing, portraying a drunk tramp is so fun!! Although, despite that I wouldn't want to be one in real life :P
I perform EVERYTIME I have drama, and I now love acting on stage, it makes me feel alive in a sense :)
( I made the audience of about 30 laugh with my drunkness :P )

I seem to have my life fixed though for the future, I know what I want out of it which not many people my age do. I don't want alot but what I'm trying to grab feels like alot.
All I want to be is working in a London theatre bar and at the same time training in the acting industry, that's it!! (why theatre? Because it'l give me education of being in a theatre etc etc) Funilly enough I wanna work in the Royal Court theatre, and no it's not just because of Amanda, but because of her i've been to the best theatre there is, I love it there, it's more homely, I don't like Almeida as much, yes, it's nice and modern, but I think in a theatre, it has to have that sortof victorian feel for me to like it! Plus, the auditorium stalls are comfy lmfao, I just love it there so much!

I don't want to be involved in television (I found that out when I was doing my VLogs and also during my Work Experience at the Bristol Watershed, where cameras were everywhere) and if the chance for me to be in a film came along then I'll be happy to take that opportunity, but I doubt it'l come along, lol!

My hair is getting on my nerves at the moment, I can't go outside without it flying everywhere lmao!
Atleast if I had a tupet or a wig then it would just fly away, but no, my own hair sticks to my head and annoys me 24/7 lmao!

I just told a school friend (well not really a friend but ya know) that I liked Amanda Drew, lmfao! And we went into silence on msn, and I was like
"Oh shit, what have I done"
we haven't talked since... :/
But I don't care! Lol.

Ohh yes, Amanda Day No.3 at the Court in exactly.......*counting*.......2 months, 3 weeks and 2 days.
CAN'T WAIT!!
(Although I have a bone to pick with that Stephen Fewell guy, =.=)
(kidding)

My mum has like 2 weeks til she gives birth, at the latest, can't wait to finally see my new baby brother!!

Received my 'Parlour Song' playwrite the morning after I ordered it from Amazon, I couldn't get it on the day I went to Islington...because...my mum said she didn't have enough money lol! So we got the programme instead, but now I finally have both :)

I also received my ENRON tickets the day after I ordered them!

(The post is starting to rock again)

SHOPPING AGAIN IN A MONTH! (Considering I only went shopping last week, that's not long) :)

School just rocks completely, I love it so much, I'm really enjoying it!

And I can say "no" to cigarettes without hesitation! Isn't that cool?! :)
I just wish someone else I know would do the same. :'(

Well that's it from me!!

Take Care readers!!
XxXxX
Ape.
(loves bananas)

:P